Back-to-School Anxiety Isn’t Just for the Kids
In reality, adults are just as overwhelmed about school in September as the kids— even if they’re excited to go back.
It seems fun at first— who doesn't love back to school shopping? The new backpacks, the fun accessories, the excitement of a fresh start.
It's nostalgic!
Then you open your calendar...and it's filling up. School emails have begun. Group chats are in full swing. (Apparently, there is one for every class, sport, and social circle you've ever attended even once.) A lot of sports and activities start the same week as school. You're trying to track who's picking up who, on which days, and from where.
Somewhere in between you're supposed to work, cook, carpool, do homework, and take care of your own body and relationships.
Cue the back-to-school stress and anxiety! And cue some "blues" for the end of beach season, if you're anything like me!
Summer months have allowed for flexibility, later nights, lenient routines, and spontaneous fun. But the onset of September flips a switch. (Or mid-August, for the college preppers.)
Everything seems to become urgent at once— alarms for early wake-ups, schedules, lunch bags, traffic, practices, traffic, homework, traffic, and each family member squeezing dinner whenever they have a free moment. Did I mention the traffic that feels like the population doubled overnight?
Your nervous system is suddenly firing, and fast.
Needless to say, back-to-school stress and anxiety is not just for the kids.
Parents are carrying the mental load of schedules, planning, remembering forms, playing chauffeur, and trying to keep up with their own work to fund said activities. This is actually A LOT for anyone.
If you find yourself snapping at the kids for something minor, copping an attitude with your partner the second they walk in the door, or losing sleep over logistics— you're not alone.
When life becomes more demanding, anxious brains start to jump ahead. We have 12 lists at all times and we're anticipating every hiccup before it happens. It feels productive to overthink and over-plan, but we are often spending more energy trying to prevent potential stress than responding to what's actually happening in front of us.
Let's do things differently this year.
(I'm talking to myself, too, who will have kids in 2 different schools for the first time, on 2 different schedules, with Fall activities that vary between 4 different days of the week.)
The goal isn't to have the perfect system down by Labor Day. It's to help your nervous system ease into a new routine instead of sending it into overdrive two days after your vacation ended. Here are a few tips, instead:
Don't try to reorganize your whole life in one weekend. Getting yourself and the kids overwhelmed with too much change at once isn't going to make you ready— it's going to end in a tailspin. Start introducing routines now (both talking about it as well as practicing parts of it in real time). Start going to bed and waking up at set times, or start reducing screen time now to get ready for busier months ahead.
Try doing a couple things your future self will thank you for: Practice doubling your recipes on the weekends so maybe you can get Monday or Tuesday dinners completed. Pack the sports equipment ahead and leave it in the car early to avoid the after school scramble for shin guards. Leave a few non-perishable snacks and waters in the car too, for the days when you’re shuffling from Point A to Point B in a time crunch.
Don't aim for perfection: Give yourself a grace period where adjustments can be made, responsibilities can be shifted between family members, and expectations are reasonable. Mistakes may happen. And your nervous system certainly doesn't need to be on high alert over an Instagram worthy, perfectly balanced Bentgo box. You're allowed to be a little bumpy for a few weeks as you figure out the timing of your days, and remember that sticking with a tried and true PB&J and an apple is more than acceptable.
Do protect something that is just for you: a coffee while it's actually still hot, a morning walk after drop-off, a chat with a friend, 10 minutes of sunlight at lunch, or reading before bed without scrolling. Expect certain things to be sacrificed (maybe the morning gym class you love needs to be skipped until the weekend, or your friend dinners become less frequent), but don't eliminate yourself from the schedule entirely.
Remember that this is a season of adjustment, not a test to ace. You will find your rhythm. Your kids will find theirs. Routines will become familiar, and it'll all become less messy.
Give yourself the same patience you're probably already giving someone else in the mom chat.
If anxiety, overwhelm, or the mental load of everyday life has been feeling a little harder to manage, therapy can help you quiet the constant pressure, respond differently to stress, and maintain a life that feels more manageable while still leaving room for you, too.
Take Care,
LM